And then...

And then the familiar ache
Nostalgia stings my eyes with salty tears
Reminders of the years gone past...
Gone too fast.
They had so much to give, but so little to take.

And then my swollen heart
Like a tender bruise caused by reckless blows
How was I to know it'd come to this...
That I would miss it.
Like expecting a sunrise  --but being met by the dark.

And then a nagging fear
Surfacing from deep within a place I haven't seen
Regret is so unlike me and how could I anticipate
Before it was too late?
I try to grasp for clarity, but everything's unclear.

And then a lingering pain
Reminding me to hold tight to "now"
But to hold it loosely somehow with child-like trust...
Bravery is a must.
Courageously I must face these doubts and cast them far away.

A new day is here... God is near... have. no. fear.

The Second *official* "I Love You"....

...even sweeter than the first....

*didn't know that was possible*

*happy sigh*


...I miss him.

When the Silence

When the silence hits

I sense it...

When the dark crowds in

I feel it.

When my doubt calls out

I need you.

When my need is great

Reveal it.

A chill --it's real...

Pulls me in.

Longing for a word

From my best friend.

Alone, I fend off loneliness

Unknown, I tend my emptiness.

My lack is just another reminder

That I'm in need of a constant Provider.

You, alone, will be the Healer.

Alone, YOU are the one I need here.

They say goodbye... they say goodnight.

My heart doth sigh... then starts the fight.

The struggle against the inner groan.

When did I forget how to be alone?

I find myself typing... tapping and rambling...

I see myself griping, cracking, unraveling.

This should not be so, I know.

How do I learn to live and let go?

I cling to You more tightly now.

Salty reminders that I'm by myself.

But why does it still press me...

When it's all about YOU and YOUR reality?

Teach me how to live...

Remind me how to sing...

Show me how to love...

Then hold me through the rain.

Carry me, Lord, when I'm too weak to stand.

Guide me, Father, as only You can.

Soften my heart --rebellious stone.

At night, when it's dark, 'mind me I'm not alone. :-)

I miss You.

I miss us.

Come nearer please.

It's true

It's enough

To know You're with me. <3

Fill me with Your perfect presence...

Fill this void,

With Your joy

When the silence.

Why do these conversations always end with tears...?

Wasted sentiments lead to wasted years.

I'll have no regrets and neither will they

At least that's what they would like to say.

Don't need to be discouraged in light of all this

God sanctions marriages --not people... not parents.

He alone is my audience of One.

Fresh tears --familiar doubts

Stealing joy --crowding out...

Inadequate... did I forget?

I'm over it --at least I thought I was...

Did I deceive myself?

Not enough for him...? even now.

Lonely --but God is near.

Reassuring comfort here.

Dark and bleak, yet full of hope.

Sad, yet joyful. Brave with fear.

Trying to untangle and decode...

He's sleeping now, and rest has he.

Fills my heart with peace and glee.

I ponder if we are meant to be...

Will he ever be with me?

Questions surface --injure mind.

What's the purpose? Are they blind?

How was confidence bruised with such ease?

Oh Lord, I'm Yours... but will he be mine?

As you read this, please do not despair.

God is guiding --He is near.

Opposition only strengthens my resolve.

I've made my choice... I've given my love.

Just lingering doubts fed on unrest.

Trust me when I say...

There's no one that could take your place.

These feelings that I am dispensable...

Are probably me being nonsensical.

They hurt a little --yet they shall pass.

And in time, I'll learn to smile and laugh.

Their words are hollow --foreboding the 'morrow...

Their predictions based on faulty paths.

Why do these words always end with tears...?

They've left me now... and you're not here.

*sigh*

*woooooosh*

((The sound of me flying to the East Coast))

Your Superwoman is coming to see you, Superman...

<3

A Happy Post

For Byron... 'Cause it's been too long :-P

If you've ever walked amidst a field of wildflowers, you will see how different each flower is... how some are robust and vibrant, while others are so fragile and delicate that even a gentle breeze ruffles the petals and presses the buds to the earth. Every petal and stem is different, but all the flowers came from seeds that looked nearly identical. Little tiny dots of color, pepper the ground --so easily trampled or crushed.

The beauty of this world reflects the Creator

Is it practical? No. Is it efficient? Not really. Is it a picture of uniformity? Certainly not.

I wonder, "God, why are these flowers not kept out of harm's way? Why don't they grow tall enough to be kept from trampling feet? Why are the petals so delicate and soft, stripped by the wind and so easily undone?" It's an amazing thought to consider that our perfect, holy, majestic God is not concerned, only, with "efficiency". He's not hung up on "practicality". He's not devoted to "uniformity". The same way that a painted canvas reflects the artist, so the beauty of this world reflects the Creator who poured droplets of Himself in all that He has made.

God makes beautiful things

This picture makes me smile... Reminds me of a recent moonrise that I had the pleasure of seeing. Full moon rising over distant lavender hills, washed in periwinkle hues and accompanied with cotton candy clouds.

This photo transports me to this lovely place of carefree beauty. Maybe it's a dream land... or a hope of what's to come. :-)

God makes beautiful things.

Savor it.

"Have I not commanded you? ...

Be strong and of good courage. Do not be afraid nor be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

"For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'"

Isaiah 41:13

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13