When the Silence

When the silence hits

I sense it...

When the dark crowds in

I feel it.

When my doubt calls out

I need you.

When my need is great

Reveal it.

A chill --it's real...

Pulls me in.

Longing for a word

From my best friend.

Alone, I fend off loneliness

Unknown, I tend my emptiness.

My lack is just another reminder

That I'm in need of a constant Provider.

You, alone, will be the Healer.

Alone, YOU are the one I need here.

They say goodbye... they say goodnight.

My heart doth sigh... then starts the fight.

The struggle against the inner groan.

When did I forget how to be alone?

I find myself typing... tapping and rambling...

I see myself griping, cracking, unraveling.

This should not be so, I know.

How do I learn to live and let go?

I cling to You more tightly now.

Salty reminders that I'm by myself.

But why does it still press me...

When it's all about YOU and YOUR reality?

Teach me how to live...

Remind me how to sing...

Show me how to love...

Then hold me through the rain.

Carry me, Lord, when I'm too weak to stand.

Guide me, Father, as only You can.

Soften my heart --rebellious stone.

At night, when it's dark, 'mind me I'm not alone. :-)

I miss You.

I miss us.

Come nearer please.

It's true

It's enough

To know You're with me. <3

Fill me with Your perfect presence...

Fill this void,

With Your joy

When the silence.

Why do these conversations always end with tears...?

Wasted sentiments lead to wasted years.

I'll have no regrets and neither will they

At least that's what they would like to say.

Don't need to be discouraged in light of all this

God sanctions marriages --not people... not parents.

He alone is my audience of One.

Fresh tears --familiar doubts

Stealing joy --crowding out...

Inadequate... did I forget?

I'm over it --at least I thought I was...

Did I deceive myself?

Not enough for him...? even now.

Lonely --but God is near.

Reassuring comfort here.

Dark and bleak, yet full of hope.

Sad, yet joyful. Brave with fear.

Trying to untangle and decode...

He's sleeping now, and rest has he.

Fills my heart with peace and glee.

I ponder if we are meant to be...

Will he ever be with me?

Questions surface --injure mind.

What's the purpose? Are they blind?

How was confidence bruised with such ease?

Oh Lord, I'm Yours... but will he be mine?

As you read this, please do not despair.

God is guiding --He is near.

Opposition only strengthens my resolve.

I've made my choice... I've given my love.

Just lingering doubts fed on unrest.

Trust me when I say...

There's no one that could take your place.

These feelings that I am dispensable...

Are probably me being nonsensical.

They hurt a little --yet they shall pass.

And in time, I'll learn to smile and laugh.

Their words are hollow --foreboding the 'morrow...

Their predictions based on faulty paths.

Why do these words always end with tears...?

They've left me now... and you're not here.

*sigh*

*woooooosh*

((The sound of me flying to the East Coast))

Your Superwoman is coming to see you, Superman...

<3

A Happy Post

For Byron... 'Cause it's been too long :-P

If you've ever walked amidst a field of wildflowers, you will see how different each flower is... how some are robust and vibrant, while others are so fragile and delicate that even a gentle breeze ruffles the petals and presses the buds to the earth. Every petal and stem is different, but all the flowers came from seeds that looked nearly identical. Little tiny dots of color, pepper the ground --so easily trampled or crushed.

The beauty of this world reflects the Creator

Is it practical? No. Is it efficient? Not really. Is it a picture of uniformity? Certainly not.

I wonder, "God, why are these flowers not kept out of harm's way? Why don't they grow tall enough to be kept from trampling feet? Why are the petals so delicate and soft, stripped by the wind and so easily undone?" It's an amazing thought to consider that our perfect, holy, majestic God is not concerned, only, with "efficiency". He's not hung up on "practicality". He's not devoted to "uniformity". The same way that a painted canvas reflects the artist, so the beauty of this world reflects the Creator who poured droplets of Himself in all that He has made.

God makes beautiful things

This picture makes me smile... Reminds me of a recent moonrise that I had the pleasure of seeing. Full moon rising over distant lavender hills, washed in periwinkle hues and accompanied with cotton candy clouds.

This photo transports me to this lovely place of carefree beauty. Maybe it's a dream land... or a hope of what's to come. :-)

God makes beautiful things.

Savor it.

"Have I not commanded you? ...

Be strong and of good courage. Do not be afraid nor be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

"For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'"

Isaiah 41:13

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13

Married-Life Blessed

I've noticed a trend among newly-wed couples on Facebook... Browsing through pics and albums, you can see their friendship unfold like a flower... there are pictures of them "dating" and attending events together... inevitably, there are proposal pictures of some sort, displaying glittering rings and dazzling smiles of euphoria. Then there are engagement pictures... always a little sappy, but they still make me smile and sigh nonetheless :-P

Finally, there are wedding pictures... the bride is stunning and the groom is clean-cut and beaming. Surely the day is an occasion to remember and celebrate for years to come --and understandably so. But then... something happens. Profile pictures tend to stay in "wedding memory lane" mode for months and months to come --as if the wedding were the "happily ever after" monumental moment that climaxed and then froze the couple in that "just married" dream for all eternity. That is, UNTIL... baby photos arrive (sometimes preceded by pregnancy montages). Either way... I wonder, when I see those photos, why hardly any time was taken to highlight the "after wedding/before baby" life. Is it because life becomes mundane or is viewed as non-documentary worthy? Is it because the "wedding" epitomizes the "happily ever after" that sums up just about every Disney movie? I'm not trying to get philosophical... I know not EVERY couple follows this pattern... but I'd be confident to say that it's the majority.

Each time I see that procession of profile pics I wonder if our lives are viewed as "milestones" --college, engagement, marriage, children, retirement (though not always in that order). It makes me want to celebrate the "in-between" stages... makes me want to break free from what culture has claimed to be "important". I want to celebrate my married life (if God has planned that for my life) as something worth documenting and celebrating... Ultimately, the reason I started this post (and unexpectedly turned it into a Facebook culture commentary :-P) is because I thought to myself... I want to have a "married life bliss" photo shoot/album after I'm married --depicting the blessing and gift of married life before Baby ever enters the picture.

The process of best friends passing from singleness to marriage should not be represented by just ONE day. It's a journey from singleness to marriage that occurs long after the wedding day... it's a 'becoming of one' --not just in body, but in soul and spirit and mind. Each day, learning to die to self and give your heart away to your spouse... learning to serve a fellow sinner with humility and love, and to consider them more important than yourself. It's putting aside your own agenda for a greater purpose --one of unity and sanctification.

Lord, I want to have this mindset toward this beautiful institution that You established called "marriage"... and I think I want to honor it with an album...

I think I'll call it "Married-life Blessed".

:-)

~Jess~

Midnight Moment

...brought to you by: Sleep Deprivation. AND. Late-night Facebook Wanderings.

Weddings, proposals and bridal magazines...

There's something about them that just spark something within me... They make me smile... they warm my heart. It could be that I'm a sucker for "happily ever afters"... It might be that I love to see God's thumb print amidst a couple's "signature" stamped on their relationship... their proposal story... their wedding. It is uniquely theirs........ and it is uniquely beautiful :-)

Maybe the beauty rests in the overall reflection... Marriage, after all, is one of those biblical 'mysteries' that derives it beauty from its function of illustrating a trinitarian truth. It also reminds us of our heavenly Bridegroom and His bride-to-be, the church. Further, each story attests to God's sovereignty... orchestrated by a divine hand... God is an expert at matchmaking... After all, He has literally MADE/created both people individually and then, as they continue on their journey through the adventure called "life", He MATCHES them together when the time is right.

I just love these kinds of stories... I don't know why..... Or maybe I do. : )

Ultimately, they are near and dear to my heart and I can't help but smile..... and sigh... ^_^

http://mountainsofmaneadero.blogspot.com/2010/09/how-he-asked-me.html