Baby Steps

Hmm... Improvement...

But still so much growth needing to occur... but, Lord, without You, I can make no progress... show me how to lean on You --so dependently that I look to You for each step --my next breath, sustained by You... Thank You for never leaving me... for never giving up on me... much growth needing to occur... but, Jesus, You know... You see all --take me by the hand... teach me how to manifest Your heart.

Forever Yours,
~Jess~

Poetry for my Soul

Psalm 18


1I love you, O LORD, my strength.

2The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

3I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies.

4 The cords of death encompassed me;
the torrents of destruction assailed me;

5 the cords of Sheol entangled me;
the snares of death confronted me.

6 In my distress I called upon the LORD;
to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice,
and my cry to him reached his ears.

Transparent

Heart throbbing...
Tears betray...
Time to put my thoughts away...

It's now dark...
Eyes now hurt...
Craving the company of a reassuring word...

No more time...
Time to rest...
Time to calm my aching chest...

Feeling lonely...
Overwhelmed...
Wanting only to do well...

Ready for sleep...
Early to rise...
Time to close these swollen eyes...

God is good...
HE is near...
Meets me here and dries each tear...

Please stay close by...
I sense my lack...
I can't do this without Your hand...

You are faithful...
You are true...
Let my heart beat just for You...


Good night, Dear Lord...
I rest in You...
Grant me a heart that's faithful too...

: )

Love You,
Always,
~Jess~

Jesus, Thank You

Another Fave Worship Song ^_^

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EU_bXO0n64


The much longer version - same group, same song
(the first minute is purely instrumental - and there is a lot of added stuff at the end)


Covenant Life Church - Jesus Thank You - Free MP3 Stream on IMEEM Music



Some of the richest times of worship have been produced by singing this song and dwelling on the lyrics --internalizing the implications... what an amazing God we have! : )

Smile-inducing . . . Priceless : )

??????

Chillax, Jess. . . chillax. . .


*sigh*


anxious.

worry.

restless.

mind racing, wondering, pondering, scenario-izing...



Just. Breathe.

It's true...

that emotions reveal what's going on inside...

But after examining what's going on inside, one mustn't stay there...

Identify if there is some faulty thought pattern or misplaced security, etc... make the necessary changes by utilizing your tools for spiritual warfare: prayer, reading God's word (and doing), thinking on truth, seeking counsel from others (community)... I always find that once I evaluate the root of the issue, I must then confront the issue.

Quite often, one will need to override emotions (aka don't let emotions dictate how you live) --re-direct the heart and mind... wash the mind in truth and train the heart to walk in submission to God's word...


Lord, You never said it would be easy... You only said I'd never go alone... : )

Dear Lord, please help me. . .

Love, Always,
~Jess~

Unwarranted . . .

*sigh*


:-(

Caught Up In "Compatibility"...

If you know that you love someone... and know that they love you... and know that you both love God... is that enough?

Sometimes I think we think so much about 'compatibility' and what 'lines up' and what doesn't... But ultimately, people change... and God changes people... so is there really such a thing as 'compatibility' if people are always changing anyway? I mean, if I were to meet the most compatible guy on the planet today --who's to say we'll still be 'compatible' in ten years?

I don't wanna think about compatibility... I just want to marry for the right reasons... I want a man to love me for the right reasons... and I want my life to count for the right reasons...

If I love him, Lord, is that enough?

Will it be enough??

~J~

If God calls me to marriage...

My greatest hope is that my marriage will be (in many aspects) as successful as my parents' marriage...

My greatest fear is that my marriage will (in many aspects) turn out like my parents' marriage...

I see movies... I read tales... I hear stories... I'm not afraid of 'marriage' per se... I fear the risks, the odds --seemingly almost unbeatable. I fear becoming like her... I fear that he will become like him... I'm scared we will turn into 'them' and that what we have will turn into 'that'. I am afraid of the danger and the turmoil --the heartache and the headaches-- that marriage has the potential to bring...

Seems like the things in life that often have the greatest potential for good and blessing carry equal amounts of potential for harm and destruction... why can't it just be simple? Maybe it is....

but I

am just so

afraid.

A Tale of Three Seeds...

There once were three seeds... each fell to the ground, welcoming a summer's day --pockets of potential... bursting with life.

Each had a beginning --reminiscent of the others, yet uniquely distinct...

One took root during a season of spring weather...
One took root after a long winter of uncertainty...
One took root before the ground was even ready to receive it...

So closely did they all begin... so distant did each seed grow... no one could have known it then... how each one, seperate paths would go...

The first seed lay dormant... what would become of its roots? Only time would tell...

The second seed began its gentle journey --cautionless and unaware... hopeful, still.

The third seed sprouted almost immediately, shooting toward the sky... miraculous growth --the sun approved, it granted its light.

Harvest came and went... winter stood its ground, then faded with the sunbeams... Spring brought empty promises... summer shone anew. Each seed, bearing its true nature...

I saw one seed uprooted abruptly... tossed to the side... the gardener was merciful --it would not have been strong enough to survive the reigning test of time nor times of testing rain.

Very soon, I will see the other seed blossom... how beautiful that day will be... its roots, appearing firm, gently tended by the gardener.

Yet one seed remains... uncertain... undefined... I watch, anxiously, enraptured, intrigued... afraid. Changes will decide its fate... the gardener knows...

Gardener, will it bloom? Will it die?

Must this, too, find its end?

*she waits*

You're meant to shine...

So Bright (Stand Up) - Superchick

you're bored, gotta wonder if there's more
waiting for the dreamlife you thought you had in store
trying to feel something you can chase a life thats thriller
living on the edge drinking, smoking dream killers
coulda been shoulda been woulda been,
what might your life have been
today you're not a has been
but at your life's end
will you have regrets then, have regrets then?
are you ok with today if tomorrow is the end

live today through the future's lens
don't wanna wish you could rewind and play it again

[chorus]
stand up, write the soundtrack for your life it doesn't happen to you, you happen to life
stand up, you know you're gonna have to fight, don't wanna lose the will to find your light
stand up, God gave you the gift of life it doesn't happen to you, you happen to life
stand up, do something with your light
you're a light on a hill, you're meant to shine so bright
so bright so bright so bright so bright so bright so bright

we're all scared, gotta wonder what's out there
shooting down the ones who did what we wish we dared
everybody's scared to karaoke in the open
afraid we're not as special as what we might be hoping
so we're frozen, haven't chosen just going through the motions
faith and belief, courage overrule emotions
stand up and be counted for something when it's time
decide where you stand, take your hands raise em high

live today through the future's lens
don't wanna wish you could reset and play it again

[chorus]


Yes! Talk about inspiring!! This song is another of my faves --from long ago, but it's as powerful now as it was then.

I realized something again today.... just how much college, work, guys, life in the 'now' --have chipped and shaped my outlook... my mindset and outlook on life which was once so vivid and alive and 'in focus' --somehow that got blurry along the way and left me utterly turned around. When once I could sense the race... I saw eternity as the goal line... I would trip, get up, dust myself off and keep running... Christ was the focal point of my writing --I wrote for Him... I wrote to worship, adore and proclaim Him. in my mind, life appeared as short as it truly is... I lived in light of that. I wanted to live life to the fullest --run hard. no compromises. This song highlights some of those nuances extraordinarily well... 'to live' is not something passive... it's an active, intentional verb --I wanna live like this... want this focal point, focused mindset and centered heart once again.... oh how much I overlook --this song has refreshed some memories that never should have been forgotten... just absolute greatness.

*listens to it on repeat... sings along*

8-)

Go big for Jesus! <-- :-D

Madison Excerpts

I mean, I know that life as a believer is hard… I know it’s difficult on many levels –Jesus, Paul, the apostles… they all understood the price of following. Yet there is a beauty that belongs to life because we’ve been saved. In a sense, life loses many of its cares because we have the proper understanding that this is all temporal… we have the hope of eternity in our hearts… we have the power of the Spirit to live victoriously. So many of these aspects are such a reality to me…

"...Life is not about you!” It’s not about this struggle that you have made it… it’s not about living merely in light of tomorrow --or yesterday. Your sin has no eternal claim on you… furthermore, this life is all about God… read His word! It’s ALL about Him! *sigh*

...worship brings such focus, clarity and joy –because in those moments, we are doing what we were created to do… we are tasting a tiny bit of eternity where we will sing praises to God forever. When we read His word, we are renewed and refueled to live in this world… we are equipped to battle the enemy and we are free to live life to the fullest for Christ. When we spend time in prayer, we experience God’s peace… We come to know His heart… we come to see the world the way that God sees it… we know Him better through all of this –and then, and only then, when we have “right view of God”, does everything else fall into place… right view of self… right view of life… right view of others… right view of sin… right view of trials. Everything falls into place.

written 2/22/09

A plea for consistency

Yay! New blog --aka a new website to frequent while procrastinating ;-) hehe... j/k!!



Sooooo.... what's news? Today is my grandparents' 55th wedding anniversary --talk about awesomesauce! Crazy cleaning times, but tomorrow is THE day when party-ness will abound.



Remember the good ol' days when I would actually get all my work done ahead of time and have plenty of guilt-free time to relax, have fun and enjoy all that available down time before any of my projects were actually due? ...No?? oh... well... that's cuz those days never existed :-P But not to fear... I've taken my anti-procrastination pills this morning.... they ought to be effective some time tomorrow (lol).



I really needed a blog for purposes pertaining to the random variety... In fact, I'm seriously considering changing the title of this blog --and I might just change it every week :-P *hasn't decided yet*

I tried to do a blog of diversity... but just couldn't seem to do it.... maybe i'm incapable of doing so... am I really THAT compartmentalized that my journals and blogs are each characterized by different moods, separating my thoughts, in a sense, into neat little boxes with various labels?? ............yup. pretty much. :-P

...and the clock ticks on.

Time for a break. *two seconds later* aaannnndd.... she's back!

hehe...

til the next time i want to entertain myself with randomness....