And then...

And then the familiar ache
Nostalgia stings my eyes with salty tears
Reminders of the years gone past...
Gone too fast.
They had so much to give, but so little to take.

And then my swollen heart
Like a tender bruise caused by reckless blows
How was I to know it'd come to this...
That I would miss it.
Like expecting a sunrise  --but being met by the dark.

And then a nagging fear
Surfacing from deep within a place I haven't seen
Regret is so unlike me and how could I anticipate
Before it was too late?
I try to grasp for clarity, but everything's unclear.

And then a lingering pain
Reminding me to hold tight to "now"
But to hold it loosely somehow with child-like trust...
Bravery is a must.
Courageously I must face these doubts and cast them far away.

A new day is here... God is near... have. no. fear.

The Second *official* "I Love You"....

...even sweeter than the first....

*didn't know that was possible*

*happy sigh*


...I miss him.

When the Silence

When the silence hits

I sense it...

When the dark crowds in

I feel it.

When my doubt calls out

I need you.

When my need is great

Reveal it.

A chill --it's real...

Pulls me in.

Longing for a word

From my best friend.

Alone, I fend off loneliness

Unknown, I tend my emptiness.

My lack is just another reminder

That I'm in need of a constant Provider.

You, alone, will be the Healer.

Alone, YOU are the one I need here.

They say goodbye... they say goodnight.

My heart doth sigh... then starts the fight.

The struggle against the inner groan.

When did I forget how to be alone?

I find myself typing... tapping and rambling...

I see myself griping, cracking, unraveling.

This should not be so, I know.

How do I learn to live and let go?

I cling to You more tightly now.

Salty reminders that I'm by myself.

But why does it still press me...

When it's all about YOU and YOUR reality?

Teach me how to live...

Remind me how to sing...

Show me how to love...

Then hold me through the rain.

Carry me, Lord, when I'm too weak to stand.

Guide me, Father, as only You can.

Soften my heart --rebellious stone.

At night, when it's dark, 'mind me I'm not alone. :-)

I miss You.

I miss us.

Come nearer please.

It's true

It's enough

To know You're with me. <3

Fill me with Your perfect presence...

Fill this void,

With Your joy

When the silence.

Why do these conversations always end with tears...?

Wasted sentiments lead to wasted years.

I'll have no regrets and neither will they

At least that's what they would like to say.

Don't need to be discouraged in light of all this

God sanctions marriages --not people... not parents.

He alone is my audience of One.

Fresh tears --familiar doubts

Stealing joy --crowding out...

Inadequate... did I forget?

I'm over it --at least I thought I was...

Did I deceive myself?

Not enough for him...? even now.

Lonely --but God is near.

Reassuring comfort here.

Dark and bleak, yet full of hope.

Sad, yet joyful. Brave with fear.

Trying to untangle and decode...

He's sleeping now, and rest has he.

Fills my heart with peace and glee.

I ponder if we are meant to be...

Will he ever be with me?

Questions surface --injure mind.

What's the purpose? Are they blind?

How was confidence bruised with such ease?

Oh Lord, I'm Yours... but will he be mine?

As you read this, please do not despair.

God is guiding --He is near.

Opposition only strengthens my resolve.

I've made my choice... I've given my love.

Just lingering doubts fed on unrest.

Trust me when I say...

There's no one that could take your place.

These feelings that I am dispensable...

Are probably me being nonsensical.

They hurt a little --yet they shall pass.

And in time, I'll learn to smile and laugh.

Their words are hollow --foreboding the 'morrow...

Their predictions based on faulty paths.

Why do these words always end with tears...?

They've left me now... and you're not here.

*sigh*